Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
