When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
