Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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