Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
