i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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