Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize