i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
