She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Define "chronic" masturbator.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
