So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
