Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
