I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You are the jesus of drinking
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
