just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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