Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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