Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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