i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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