Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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