my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
