oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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