I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I hope mine doesn't look like that
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Are my feet made of real feet?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
