He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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