Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
it's like iHOP with fire
We left an ass print on the piano.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
