Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize