my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You know, be my cock's hype man.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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