last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
