Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
