I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
