real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm going to jail i love you
I could make wine with my vomit
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
