my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
