They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
