I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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