Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
