I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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