I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
