Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I supernannyed him into submission
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
