I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
