Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
