Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We are two peas in an std pod
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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