Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
