you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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