Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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