About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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