Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
