Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
