Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
