I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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