I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize