So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
