but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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