if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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