the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
