Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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