His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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