his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
