We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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