Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
