put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
