Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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