Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
