I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
