who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
