It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
