so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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