I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
