i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We had sex on a dog bed..
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
