So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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