You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
