Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
