I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
