I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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