I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
