I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
