i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
